Lady Sparklefists Watches Yu-Gi-Oh!

Episode 104, part 3: let’s get JUDICIAL!

(I generally intend to do all the posts for one episode in a burst, but oops! I’m still chronically ill lol. support me, tip me!)

While everyone else is … doing a bunch of crazy shit, let’s get back to the duel that’s about to begin between Jounouchi and *checks notes* some fucking lawyer nerd

uuuUUUuuuuUUUUuUUuUUuuuummm quick question what the fuck

are you genuinely telling me I have to try to take this seriously?

JUDGE? MAN???

like I’m chalking this up to “sounds less dumb in Japanese” but STILL.

Anyway, Jounouchi is furious because this dipshit dragged Mai into it: digitally impersonating her to freak Jou out for no reason at all

</3 I still question why this needed to be included at all. But for the moment, </3

They get down to Ridiculous Roleplay business

…. well this is going to be hard to take seriously. (Luckily, he doesn’t really keep it up very much throughout the actual duel.)

Okay so, Jounouchi has been established EARLIER THIS WEEK as barely being cognizant of the actual rules of actual normal honest-to-god Duel Monsters. Also generally as being forgetful and impetuous and blunt to the point of rudeness. So what does he do upon choosing Flame Swordsman as his Deck Master?

politely asks him what his special ability is??? having not been told that Deck Masters have a special ability, or indeed anything about their role????

You know what would have avoided this egregious breach of characterisation? If you’d let Jou duel first. Or at least, second. That way his “[accent=brooklyn] huh??? a deck master??? [/accent]” routine would have jived nicely as a Filling In The Audience thing. It would, in fairness, be annoying to have to sit through a third explanation. But this removal of a minor annoyance came AT WHAT COST??

what IS Flamey’s special ability?

oh. sucks, bro.

(it’s in order to power up other fighter monsters, if you were wondering)

The duel begins and ~Judge Man~ calls Smug Paralegal to the stand field

*shakes fist at sky* peGASUUUUUUUS!!!!

Jounouchi reacts even less placidly than I do to yet more evidence of Pegasus’s utter fucking madness and plumbing of every ridiculous depth for cards

He’s so annoyed, he breaks out his Deck Master ability in turn one in order to stab Smarmy Attorney or whateverthefuck she’s called, and Mr Smarmy Attorney himself is ~impressed~

Judgey McJudgerson is impressed, I’m baffled, and Jounouchi?

… is being a real arrogant weirdo. I mean what even is this? It’s a full-on “Jounouchi-sama” btw, just so you know. (Which I think should be translated as like “Lord Jounouchi” or “The Amazing Jounouchi” or something, because “Master” in the British Isles is the old-fashioned equivalent of “Miss”; a cute honorific for little boys, but That’s Just Me.)

Proving that, although he may be uncharacteristically on-the-ball with regard to the card game today, he has yet to learn the rules of narrative suspense, Jounouchi explicitly describes his planned winning strategy

ON SCREEN. Now we KNOW it’ll never fucking work.

right??

Also, tho, question, just real quick, why the FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK did we go to the trouble of the fucking ~*~JuDgE mAn~*~ fucking orc-sona if you’re just going to hove in sight like a fucking Dickensian spirit whenever you ACTUALLY talk? Them other gobshites didn’t fuck about with that carry-on!!

I was so angry and distracted by this, I missed whatever the fuck card game maneuvers took place, but it was something something bullshit something something overpowered-to-fuck something trap card, that cost Jounouchi, uhhhhh

1500 Life Points, apparently.

… *squints* does he? is that how we would characterise straightforward multiplication, aloud, using fingers?

IT IS AT THIS THRILLING JUNCTURE THAT THE DOORS BURST OPEN AND IN COMES

an underdressed dancer and a tiny kink! a.k.a. “You guys”.

I would also like the record to reflect that the “camera” cuts to Jounouchi for like, a couple of seconds, and when it cuts back, Yugi has wrested his coat from Anzu, like, BAM!

Then Yugi says some stuff about the ~tricky situation~ Jounouchi has found himself in with regard to this card game, but Jounouchi, um, doesn’t catch it?

/¬,¬/      /◑,◐\    |∂,∂)