Lady Sparklefists Watches Yu-Gi-Oh! • Episode 105, part 1: we should all get an AWARD...

Episode 105, part 1: we should all get an AWARD for sitting through this duel tbh

At the beginning of the episode, Jounouchi helpfully recaps in two sentences what it took me three whole posts to do, that is, he started to duel ~Judge Man~…

Love the way “bit too” is emphasised. It makes me hear it in like a dorky British comedian way, like Richard Ayoade or something.

Anyway, Jounouchi presses on, cleaving tight to his ultimate strategy:

[voice=advertisement] Dueling and it’s not going your way? Lacking a coherent strategy? Unsure how to win? From an experienced finalist of both the kidnapping extravaganza, Duelist Kingdom, and the massive corporate overreach, Battle City, comes the ultimate strategic Duel Advice™: Don’t bother thinking about it!! [/voice]

Jounouchi’s not doing great but he’s sure he can turn it around by using Devil Dice to reduce Judge Man’s monster’s attack points. The dice initially lands on a six, comes to a complete stop, then suspiciously RISES UP OFF THE GROUND, SPINS WILDLY, AND LANDS ON A ONE

Yes, Jounouchi, A ONE.

No one points this out as being OBVIOUSLY WILDLY SUSPICIOUS. Against the nature of dice, and physics, and games, and everything. Easily explained by the fact that Jou’s opponent can change his own appearance, make entire courtrooms appear, etc etc, because THEY’RE IN A VIRTUAL REALITY.

But no. No one comments. Except this fucko. In his head. Like a loser who wants to be an ~~eeevil mastermind~~.

Once again. Why. Did he change into Judge Man. When he could use. An equally virtual simulacrum of his real body?????????

Anyway! Jounouchi’s not worried. He got quote-unquote unlucky with Devil Dice, but Angel Dice will sort him out! If he can raise the attack of his OWN monster, that’s just as good!

… It’s a one-in-thirty-six chance, Jounouchi. Exactly the same chance as both dice landing on six, which they both did, before Judge Man intervened.

I wonder if – going with the idea that the Virtual World is sort of pliable, and Judge Man is just exerting his will on the digital reality, as perhaps Yami did when he walked on the water – Jounouchi did it too, unconsciously, willing the dice to land on six? And Judge Man took it a step further then, moving the dice after they already landed, which Jou “can’t” do because he doesn’t realise it would actually work if he only tried?

Anyway, the cheer squad is appalled – APPALLED – by this statistically unlikely but not impossible event:

Judge Man continues the duel, drawing Pot of Greed, to which Jounouchi, with the swiftness and inevitability of a lethal superheated cloud of gas and tephra obliterating everything in its path as it flows at up to 700km/hr down the side of an explosive andesitic volcano #pyroclasticflowjokes, replies:

“Whatever does it DO????”

Faced with TWO WHOLE NEW CARDS FROM JUDGE MAN’S DECK, Jounouchi decides to do the only thing he can do, really really lean in hard on the gambling deck:

This fuckin card is literally just called Gamble. (Or rather, gyanburu.) You gamble on it.

It’s the gamble card.

Look, where the hell are they getting these silver coins with the Eye on one side??? No one comments on them, they’re not a VR thing, they must already have them. It made almost no sense that Yugi had one, it makes even less sense that Jounouchi has one.

~~Also I want one.~~

Jounouchi places his faith in one last ~~draw~~ gamble

Is there? Do we think there is? Is this a real thing? I thought it was a metaphor but now he seems genuinely worried that “she” has abandoned him. Like demi-gods are canonically real, in their universe. ~~I wonder if Pegasus trapped her in a fucking card for their fucking card game…~~

And Judge Man gets all judgey… #quellesurprise

Look, fucko, like, broadly speaking, I agree with you. The gambling gimmick is kind of crap, and is clearly powered by the engine of Plot, and is a super weird choice for Jounouchi specifically (”raised” by an abusive, alcoholic gambler in the manga, leaving him with maladaptive coping mechanisms). But you didn’t LURE HIM INTO IT. He had literally one card left in his hand, OF COURSE he used the Gamble card. He’s running a fucking gambling deck. What was he supposed to do? Summon new cards from the ether? I mean, MAYBE. That’s the kind of shit you might be able to do in VR, but Jou doesn’t know that. Whatever.

Speaking of “maladaptive coping mechanisms”, where are the Kaiba bros?

Taking a break from shouting at the sky, Seto listens to Mokuba shout at the sea.

Really, Mokuba? Why? Why did this identical door make you think that it wouldn’t be like all the other identical doors, which have so far just led to startlingly beautiful landscapes or terrifyingly accurate recreations of your own memories?

After calling Noah a jerk who pisses him off #hardsame, Mokuba goes in for the killing blow

Seto: Ah, so you DO admire him?

Mokuba: ???

Anyway then, I swear to god, Seto just goes RIGHT back to shouting at the sky, and Noah…

… gets some kind of creepy-ass kick out of it, idk.

Let’s check back in on the duel:

Ah, a fine contender for Out Of Context Yu-Gi-Oh! Bullshit

Oh, by the way, were you wondering if Judge Man kept up the ridiculous judge roleplay shit throughout the duel?

HE SURE DID (actually only intermittently, which is funny, because he would switch pronouns: he uses kimi (you, informal) for Jounouchi mostly but switches to anata (you, formal) when he’s Judging)

Jounouchi busts out the last line of defense, the stalward veterans of dicey situations, the tried-and-true self-sacrificing heroes…

ADORABLE FUZZY GOAT-BABIES

Judge Man slices through them in two consecutive turns using his two active monsters and I didn’t bother screencapping it because (a) it was boring and (b) it was even boringer the second time, which was reused animation with the goats re-coloured #smh

Jounouchi’s friends are chinnily worried and Yugi is specifically suspicious…

Yami is also suspicious…

“He didn’t lose, Yugi. He failed.”

~~The writing on this show is truly scintillating.~~

Just as Yugi and Yami blotchily agree that something Suspicious is up, an Angel from On High shines the Divine Light of Heaven unto the duel arena with the most glorious of news…